Naraku: The Evil Genius
by FongSaiYuk319
Summary: *One shot* This is a songfic-ish thing, based off of Jonathan Coulton's Skullcrusher mountain. Has one-sided Na/Kag.


Disclaimer: I don't own anything

Disclaimer: I don't own anything. Not Inuyasha, nor Skullcrusher Mountain. Those belong to Rumiko Takahashi and Jonathan Coulton, respectively. You should really check out his Coulton's music….it's hilarious.

A/N: So a friend introduced me to Coulton's music, and it's amazing. I'm still contemplating if I want all of it at once, or if I wanna wait for it. It's bad….I'm so obsessive. This is kind of a songfic….but I guess it is. I don't really know what a songfic is exactly scratches head, but I think this qualifies. It's so bad…..I like to write them, but I don't like to read them! I'm so hypocritical! Sumimasen!

Naraku—The Evil Genius

Kagome could _not_ believe her luck. Must she attract trouble all the time? She was only collecting herbs for Kaede-baba when she got abducted. It was ridiculous. Inuyasha was only a couple of hundred yards away, when whatever the hell had the gall to kidnap her! Kagome huffed and blew at her bangs in frustration. She was cold, damp, in a dark cave, and she had to go pee. She squirmed uncomfortably.

"Hey! Hey! Yeah, you! What's a girl gotta do to use a bathroom around here!" Kagome finally yelled, after calling out a few times.

"Shut up, ningen! Your voice grates on my ears!" a female voice hissed, holding a hell of a lot of irritation in it. "I don't know why he had me fetch you anyway…" the voice muttered to itself.

Okay, so her captors weren't human, and most likely demon, from what Kagome could feel, anyway. "I really gotta go pee. Do you want me to do it right here? It'll make the place stink!" Kagome half-reasoned half-whined.

"Oh, all right. But if I get in trouble, I'm blaming it all on you," the voice said, finally relenting.

Kagome could hear footsteps approaching, and while she knew she should have tried to escape or hurt her captor, she really really _really_ needed to go pee, and she couldn't really think about anything else. She saw a hand stuck out in front of her face, offering to help her up, and Kagome grabbed it.

"Thank you," Kagome sniffed. It had been quite a few hours that she'd been sitting on the floor in the dank cave, and she was grateful for this brief reprieve.

The girl snorted, saying, "Don't thank me. I'm supposed to lead you to his evilness later."

Kagome didn't even want to think about who the hell "his evilness" was, as it was probably Naraku and the thought would only make things worse. This meant that this girl was probably Kagura. "Kagura?" Kagome asked.

"Took you long enough," Kagura responded. "Come on, up these stairs, let's go." Kagura prodded Kagome ahead of her. "No funny business, all right?"

"Uh huh…" Kagome said, rushing up the stairs. Hey, when a girl's gotta go, a girl's gotta go.

Kagura managed to lead Kagome to the bathroom relatively quickly, and when Kagome was just coming out of the primitive bathroom, she heard two voices talking.

"I'm just here escorting the captive to the privy. I didn't want to smell her stench if she relieved herself in the dungeon floor," Kagura said, a hint of defensiveness in her voice.

"Well, she is to be brought before our lord, so, as soon as she's out, I'll take over the captive," the other voice said disdainfully.

"Fine," Kagura hissed. "I'll just go, then. She's right there," Kagura jerked her head towards where Kagome was peering out from behind the curtain.

Kagome jerked backwards as a pair of creepy yellow eyes connected with hers. She pushed the curtain aside and stepped out, completely weirded out when she saw the hideous creature that had been talking to Kagura moments before. She couldn't help it when the word "ew" escaped her mouth.

Interestingly enough, the hideous thing looked affronted and huffed. "Let's go," he commanded.

So Kagome followed the thing through endless corridors and hallways before they finally came to a set of gold-plated double doors. The creature looked back at Kagome once more, offense written all over his face, before pushing the door open.

"I have brought the captive, my lord!" it announced, bowing low.

Kagome, who at that moment had been trying to ignore the fact that she was being led to Naraku, eeped a bit in terror. She was going to die. She had been out collecting herbs before, but now she was going to die!

"Excellent. How are you, Kagome, my dear?" Naraku asked, giving an evil smirk that make Kagome squirm.

"Why am I here? You know we haven't found any more shards!" Kagome asked, trying to be brave.

"Why are you here? You're here because I want you to be here. You see, without any activity lately, it's been dreadfully dull. How have you been treated? I told them to treat you with the highest courtesy before I called for you," Naraku finished, grinning lazily.

Kagome, needless to say, was terrified at Naraku's behavior. What on earth was he scheming? He was being civil! What the hell?

"Um….I've been in the dungeons till now….well, I guess I went to the restroom before I came here…" Kagome trailed off, unsure of how to deal with Naraku's odd behavior.

_Welcome to my secret lair on Skullcrusher Mountain  
I hope that you've enjoyed your stay so far  
I see you've met my assistant Scarface  
His appearance is quite disturbing  
But I assure you he's harmless enough  
He's a sweetheart, calls me master  
And he has a way of finding pretty things and bringing them to me_

Naraku spent the rest of the evening trying to cajole Kagome to share a meal with him, and when he finally succeeded, Kagome refused to eat once she saw that Naraku just wanted to stare at her. Mostly she was just afraid of what was in the food. Finally, Naraku just sent her away, saying that he'd call for her the next day. She left, saying that Inuyasha would come and save her.

He laughed.

Naraku later was thinking, though, that he really really hated Kagome. He hated Inuyasha even more for having Kagome. He hated that Kagome hated him, not that he didn't understand why. But wasn't this girl supposed to be different? Merciful? Naraku paced around the entire night. He had developed an annoying soft spot for this stupid ningen girl, and he wanted to figure out what the hell was so special about her.

_I'm so into you  
But I'm way too smart for you  
Even my henchmen think I'm crazy  
I'm not surprised that you agree  
If you could find some way to be  
A little bit less afraid of me  
You'd see the voices that control me from inside my head  
Say I shouldn't kill you yet_

Kagura hated Naraku. She hated how he always thought he was so much smarter than the rest of them. She especially hated out he would randomly break out into evil laughter every now and then, but she was now confused. He had his most hated enemy in his clutches, and he wouldn't kill her for her shards. And now they started sharing meals together. Well, as much as sitting in silence while the food went cold and then having Naraku send Kagome away in a fit of rage could be called sharing a meal. This happened three times a day, and each time Kagome refused to eat. Just the other day, Kagura had heard Naraku yell at Kagome.

"I refuse to watch you starve yourself. EAT!"

It didn't work, Kagura assumed, if the clink of porcelain pieces crashing on the floor was any indication.

But really, this new idea of Naraku was the craziest. A monster? He was giving Kagome one of his spawns to try and bribe her to eat? Kagura almost puked when she saw the thing—how would Kagome react? Sure, Kagome had answered that she liked ponies and monkeys when Naraku had asked, but a monster was the spawn of her answers? That was a bad situation waiting to happen. And, try as she might, Kagura could not convince Naraku that Kagome wouldn't like it. Kagura received a heart squeezing for her efforts and vowed to not help him ever again with his obsession with this ningen.

The question was answered the next morning as Kagome started shrieking as soon as she saw the thing. Needless to say, the ensuing chaos as Naraku continued to push his gift closer was catastrophic. Finally Naraku stalked away, upset. He retreated to his rooms and started destroying things, leaving Kagura to take a nearly catatonic Kagome back to her room.

_I made this half-pony half-monkey monster to please you  
But I get the feeling that you don't like it  
What's with all the screaming?  
You like monkeys, you like ponies  
Maybe you don't like monsters so much  
Maybe I used too many monkeys  
Isn't it enough to know that I ruined a pony making a gift for you?_

It was never enough. It should have been enough that he hadn't killed her yet, so what was the problem? What more could the girl want? Naraku was at his wit's end, and he remained in a foul mood for the next few weeks. He left the place to go find some place to massacre.

_I'm so into you  
But I'm way too smart for you  
Even my henchmen think I'm crazy  
I'm not surprised that you agree  
If you could find some way to be  
A little bit less afraid of me  
You'd see the voices that control me from inside my head  
Say I shouldn't kill you yet_

When he returned, Kagura informed him that Kagome was improving. Apparently she would only eat out of his presence. This infuriated him to no end, but he finally decided that maybe if Kagome got some fresh air that she would feel better and maybe warm up to him. Damn it, he was _trying_. If she were a demonness, she would have fallen for him already! What was he doing wrong? Thus resolved, Naraku decided to bring her along for the destruction of a nearby rebelling village.

She would get to be outside, and she could see how powerful he really was. What could be any better? This was sure to work!

_Picture the two of us alone inside my golden submarine  
While up above the waves my doomsday squad ignites the atmosphere  
And all the fools who live their foolish lives may find it quite explosive  
But it won't mean half as much to me if I don't have you here_

It bombed. The freaking miko had threatened to "purify his ass" if he "dared to hurt a single mosquito." Stupid stupid stupid freaking girl! So he relented, thinking it would win her favor, but it didn't. She was still as sullen and distrustful as she always was, and Naraku was about to give up. Didn't she know how much he liked her? He was head over heels for the idiot miko, and why, _oh why_, couldn't she understand that? He was trying to make her happy.

Naraku was miserable. He'd been miserable for about two months now. His Kagome would only eat minimum fare, and she was starting to look very sickly. He had stopped making her eat in his presence, as he didn't really need to eat, and so at least she was eating. But she should really eat more. He was even making all the dishes cooked! He'd discovered that she hadn't taken well to being served raw food, and had all the cooks prepare cooked food from then on. But he was getting nowhere, and it was depressing him. He really needed to get out of this slump.

He looked at himself and grimaced; the girl had thrown her plate of food at him the moment she saw him walk by. He hadn't even intended to go and bother her! He was just walking by. He sighed and got ready to go wash in the hot springs.

_You know it isn't easy living here on Skullcrusher Mountain  
Maybe you could cut me just a little slack  
Would it kill you to be civil?  
I've been patient, I've been gracious  
And this mountain is covered with wolves  
Hear them howling, my hungry children  
Maybe you should stay and have another drink and think about me and you  
_

After Kagome had stayed for about three or four months, Naraku had finally let her go. She would never love him, and she was only dying here with him. The night before she left, Naraku snuck into her room to watch her sleep. He smiled a little, wondering what had went wrong. He really had tried to court the little human, but it really only seemed to make her unhappy.

He followed her when she left, but watching her trudge out of his lands and into the arms of Inuyasha made him feel something he hadn't felt in a long time, and so he turned around and went back to his cave. His inexistent heart had broken when he saw the happy reunion between monk, slayer, fox kit, hanyou, and miko.

"Kagome!"

"Sango!"

"Mama!" Naraku saw the fox kit launch himself into the miko's arms. Naraku burned with jealousy.

"Inuyasha!" Kagome put down the kit and ran towards the hanyou dressed in his trademark red fire-rat robe. She hugged him and started crying. Because of _him._ Kagome was crying because of Naraku….because of himself. Naraku could have sworn that he hated himself at that moment, but the feeling was new, so he didn't know what it was. All Naraku knew was that he hated the inu-hanyou even more now, because Inuyasha had the one thing Naraku could never get: the affection of Kagome.

Steeling his resolve, he knew that his affection for the miko would not impede his search for the jewel. Just because he loved her didn't mean he was any less evil. He still enjoyed watching the blood splatter on the ground after he cut someone's head off. He still enjoyed gutting someone and hearing their scream pierce the surrounding chaos in a battle.

But he would never be the same, and it was all Kagome's fault.

_I'm so into you  
But I'm way too smart for you  
Even my henchmen think I'm crazy  
I'm not surprised that you agree  
If you could find some way to be  
A little bit less afraid of me  
You'd see the voices that control me from inside my head  
Say I shouldn't kill you yet  
I shouldn't kill you yet  
I shouldn't kill you yet_

A/N:

So did this suck? I'm sorry if it did. It was kind of written in a haste…..it might be revised later. But this idea has been lurking around in my head for a long time. I suppose I could have made this a lot longer, and if you really want me to, I can! Just not now. Now I'm about to leave the country, and so I don't have time. But this can be revised….any thoughts or comments about this? Hope you liked it….

-FongSaiYuk319


End file.
